【导语】： 如果一直对孩子说"yes"效果会怎么样?
如果一直对孩子说"Yes"效果会怎样?
Like most children, my own brood complains constantly about my style of parenting. "You’re always saying 'No'," they complain, as I tell them they can’t have yet more mayonnaise on their dinner。
像大多数孩子们一样，我自己的孩子也一直抱怨我对他们的养育方式。晚饭时当我告诉他们不能再吃蛋黄酱的时侯，他们抱怨说"你总是说'不'。"
"It’s bad for you," I say. "So, no, you can’t."
我说："再吃对你们的健康不好，不，你们不能再吃了。"
"You say no to everything,"says Leonard, aged eight。
八岁的Leonard说："你对任何事情都说不。"
He and his younger siblings — Jerry, six, and Ottoline, three — then list everything I have said ‘No’ to since they got home from school. Sweets, playing outside with their uniform on, biscuits, getting stuff out from drawer, painting?…
他和弟弟妹妹们——6岁的Jerry和3岁的Ottoline列了一张清单，上面写着他们从学校回家后我说的所有的"不"。糖果、在外面穿着校服玩、饼干、从抽屉里拿东西、画画……
I’ve always considered myself a pretty easy-going parent, and yet here they are telling me I’m a nay-saying harridan。
我一直认为我是一个脾气很好的妈妈，但是他们竟然说我是一个总说"不"的老巫婆。
According to the currently fashionable idea of ‘free parenting’, though, what I should be saying is ‘Yes’。
然而根据最近流行的"亲子养育"观点，我应该说"是"。
It’s particularly interesting to me because I recently decided to try an experiment. In the style of ‘free parenting’, I would say yes to everything my children wanted for an entire week — and see what happened。
因为最近我想做一个实验，所以这就对我来说特别有趣。根据"亲子养育"的方式，在整整一个星期内，我要对我的孩子的要求通通说"是"，然后看看效果如何。
The only rules were not to let the children know what I’d decided to do, and to ensure that I alerted them to the consequences of their actions, so they could make their own well-informed choices。
唯一的规则是不让孩子知道我在做什么，并且确保已经对他们的行为做出了提醒，然后让他们做出自己的选择。
But what if they wanted to swing on the curtains and to paint the walls red? What if my teenage son, 14-year-old Raymond, wanted to bring girls home every night and smoke? What would I say then?
但是如果他们想要在窗帘上"荡秋千"，或者想要把墙全涂成红色呢?倘若我14岁的儿子Raymond晚上想要带女孩子们回家或者吸烟呢?那么我该说什么呢?
There was only one way to find out?…
只有一种方法可以知道……
第一天
It all starts pretty well. The children get up for breakfast and we follow our usual routine: let the dogs out, eat cereal, dress, make packed lunches。
刚开始时非常好。孩子们早上起来吃早饭，然后按照日程去做：放狗出去，喝麦片粥，穿衣服，做中午的便当。
DAY TWO
第二天
Things are beginning to change. "Why are you being so nice to us?"they say, as I nod my head to all requests。
事情开始发生变化。当我对所有的问题点头时，孩子们问"为什么你对我们这么好了呢?"
.。。
DAY SEVEN
第七天
Experiment nearly over and I feel I have proved a point — one that is very interesting to all of us。
实验即将结束，我感觉我已经证明了一个道理——一个对我们所有人来说很有趣的一个道理。
For a start, by the end of the week the children are imploding. My acquiescence to everything has meant that they are not only buzzing with e-numbers and sugar, but are exhausted, too
开始时，孩子们在周末把家里闹翻了天。我的经验告诉我，他们不仅吃了很多带食物添加剂和糖的东西，而且玩得也精疲力尽了。
But I have also learned some important lessons. The hassle of clearing up the kitchen after they have made a cake is nothing compared to the joy I feel when I hear them laughing so freely。
但是我也学到了很多，相比于听到他们无忧无虑的笑声，在他们做完蛋糕后，清理厨房时的争吵压根不算什么。
They just wanted to have fun, to laugh more; to not have every request quashed by a negative。
他们只是想要玩得开心，想要笑得更多;不想所有的要求都被拒绝而已。
They also, I think, really started to understand why I ｃｒｅａｔｅ boundaries in their lives, because as much as they don’t like them, they are lost without them。
我认为，他们也开始真正地明白，为什么生活中我不让他们做一些事情，因为他们越不喜欢它们，却越不能离开它们。
As I go to put them to bed on the last day, I find them sitting in a circle, doing a jigsaw together。
在最后一天当我让他们上床睡觉时，我发现他们坐成一个圈，正在玩七巧板。
"You’re playing together!" I say。
我说："你们在一起玩!"
"Yes, can we stay up late?"asks Jerry。
Jerry说："是的，我们能晚点睡觉吗?"
"No," I tell them。
我告诉他们说："不可以。"
They all troop off — but looking mightily relieved, it has to be said。
他们匆匆散去，但是似乎强烈地松了口气，因为这是必须要说的。
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